You're not alone: Infidelity rates may be as high as 60 to 70% according to research conducted (but it's tough to get an exact number because it's all self-reported). I must tell you that men and women cheat at the same rate. But the reasons why men and women are unfaithful tend to differ.
"Most women cheat because they feel emotionally deprived'' and
''men are unfaithful because they often feel sexually deprived''.
But here's the deal with cheating: No matter who does it or why it occurred, it's going to seriously impact your relationship. You might be puzzled as for how it'll affect your relationship but here my dear reader is what kind of changes you can expect;
You can't trust anything anymore.
Not surprisingly, not only will a victim of infidelity mistrust their partner sexually and emotionally, he or she might also begin to doubt them in other areas. In the wake of an affair, more and more lies unveil, and that makes trust very difficult. "It then becomes easy to feel dubious toward your partner in other aspects of life, such as finances or planning.
Your confidence plummets—or soars.
Part of the reason many people cheat is because they felt unwanted less-appreciated or unloved in their relationship. Then they discover sexual or emotional appreciation in the affair which, in turn, bolsters their confidence. The flip side: The person who is being cheated on will suffer a major blow to his or her self-esteem. "After being cheated on by my girlfriend, at first I felt embarrassed and like I just wasn't enough. Not attractive, not worthy, not smart'', Mr. Anonymous.
The unexpectedly good news is that those feelings of inadequacy didn't last long at least for him. He and his girlfriend spent some time apart and once he started dating again, he was reminded that he was lovable and desirable. "Oddly, getting cheated on completely changed my self-confidence for the better, and I've been able to hang onto that feeling ever since," he says. In fact, he points to his renewed sense of self-confidence as one of the reasons he was able to eventually reconcile with her.
Your focus totally shifts.
Cheating can create a level of stress and anxiety that can trigger a depressive series. For some people, an affair can make them lose focus on other aspects of their life. Eg Self-care, their career trajectory and friendships can all take a backseat.
My advice: "Take it one day at a time and start prioritizing healthy habits, like going to the gym and starting therapy, to help you rebuild your life and your relationship."
On the other hand, the wake of an affair can actually help you focus on yourself. People who recover from infidelity are usually able to go within themselves and recapture their center of power. They actually end up stronger and more resilient than before the affair. "I finally had the energy to start fixing myself instead of devoting my efforts to fixing my relationship", Mr. Anonymous
You may not even recognize your libido.
For some people, infidelity can destroy their sex life. If your partner has cheated on you, even if you are working hard to forgive and rebuild the relationship, sex is often the last piece of the puzzle. You're sorting through all kinds of emotions(depression, anger, betrayal) and that just kills your sexual desire."
But an affair can also bolster one's libido even if you're not the one doing the cheating. A participant in this research disclosed that she discovered that she was more attracted to her husband than ever when she found out he was having an affair. "It was almost as if I felt in competition for my husband's affections and I had to win him back from her," she says. "We had a lot of wild sex, often following explosive arguments about the affair, she says. And that's not surprising. "Sex can be a powerful way to heal after cheating. "It helps make an insecure relationship feel temporarily safe and intimate."
Or perhaps after living in a relatively unhappy relationship your sexual appetite will be boosted simply by the excitement of being with a new, more attentive partner.
Your commitment to each other might become stronger.
Infidelity will test even the most resilient relationships. But cheating, despite the many problems it can bring, isn't necessarily the kiss of death. An affair can actually be the thing that saves a relationship. I believe that cheating can be a huge wake-up call to both partners and a test of their commitment. If the cheater realizes it's a big mistake and seeks to understand why he or she was tempted, and the betrayed partner is willing to look at what might have been missing in the relationship, both of them can repair the damage and actually make the relationship stronger. Infidelity is often what gets troubled partners into therapy, where they can learn how to communicate about uncomfortable topics, like sexual satisfaction, emotional needs and hidden motives. Understanding these dynamics and learning to discuss what went wrong in the relationship, apologize and make changes will give both partners much more insight into themselves and their union and might even help to make their relationship 'affair-proof' in the future.
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