Things I Learned From Getting Back Together With An Ex

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GIVE LOVE A SECOND CHANCE—FORGO WHAT THE DATING RULE-BOOK SAYS.

When you get back together with a former love, there’s no way to know whether it will end up being the best decision of your life or just go up in flames all over again. After all, it’s one of the biggest relationship no-nos in the book. But sometimes, giving it a shot is the best thing you can do for yourself, so that no matter what happens afterward, you don’t have to live with a single “what if.”

Here’s what I learned and wish to share...

YOU ARE STARTING A BRAND NEW RELATIONSHIP, NOT CONTINUING THE SAME ONE AS BEFORE.

Sure, both of those relationships happen to be with the same person, but the last relationship wasn’t working for you as a couple, so why would you want to resurrect that one? Your history together won’t just disappear, but the point is that now you’re beginning a new partnership with new and healthier emotional habits.

THAT MEANS IT’S EASIER IF YOUR SEPARATION WAS A CLEAN BREAK.

It helps if you actually cut contact after your breakup and spent time working on yourselves and growing as individuals. Of course, even the messiest or most involved of breakups could ultimately lead to a lasting love, but fully separating from your ex and getting a taste of life on your own could lead to a lot more insight about who you are and what you want when reuniting.

 SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO TRY THINGS AGAIN TO KNOW FOR SURE (BUT DON’T USE THAT AS AN EXCUSE TO KEEP GOING BACK TO A TOXIC PERSON).

There are times in life when, even if you’re not sure whether Round Two with someone will work out, you’ve got to give it one more shot just so you know without a doubt whether you can or can’t be happy together. But try not to use that to talk yourself into repeatedly getting back with a partner who does nothing but make your life miserable. You already know things don’t work with them!

YOU OR YOUR SURROUNDINGS NEED TO HAVE GROWN OR CHANGED SOMEHOW BEFORE GETTING BACK TOGETHER.

Sometimes a passing of time to gain more life experience is all it takes, but something has to be different the second time around, or you’re both walking into the same doomed situation as before.

 REUNITING IS JUST THE BEGINNING.

Get ready to do a lot of emotional work together if you want a true fresh start.

FORGIVENESS IS VITAL.

You’re starting off with way more baggage than brand new couples, which means you might need to wade through some emotional weirdness about the past before getting to a good place.

LET GO YOUR PRIDE.

Healing the wounds of your past breakup means lots of humility on both sides. No matter what comes of the relationship, your conflict resolution skills are definitely going to grow during this experience.

LET GO OF ANY GRUDGES YOU’RE STILL HOLDING ONTO.

If they hurt you badly in the past or are the one who ended the relationship, finding a way to move past resentment over it is probably the only way to find happiness in your new relationship. Starting a relationship with one person “owing” the other or with grudges just isn’t going to work. You have every right to be pissed at someone who hurt you, but if you want to stay pissed at them, you probably should just never date them again.

COMMUNICATION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER NOW.

There’s a reason this one is such a cliche! It’s so important to be open with each other about your past baggage so everyone is happy and on the same page.

AT THE END, ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY NEED.

Your friends and family might freak out and tell you that getting back with your ex is a horrible idea, but sometimes you’ve simply gotta do what you’ve gotta do. Even if they’re right and this person is terrible for you, it might be something you need to discover on your own by learning it the hard way.

IF YOUR LOVED ONES SEE YOU HAPPY, THEY’LL PROBABLY BE HAPPY FOR YOU.

If they see your ex-turned-partner making your life brighter, odds are they’ll eventually come around and drop the whole “THIS IS A HUGE MISTAKE” crap. After all, they just want you to be happy!

TRUST YOUR GUT, BUT DON’T BE AFRAID TO LEAN ON YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM.

They want to be there for you, so let them be even when you’re going against their advice, and even if it means swallowing a little pride.

BE OPEN TO LIFE’S SURPRISES.

Who knew a former flame just might be the perfect person for you? It’s impossible to predict what surprises are around the corner, so roll with it as best you can, and every time your partner makes your heart melt yet again, thank the universe that you took the risk of giving them another go.

For better or for worse!!! There are a billion different paths to happiness out there, so if you find a person who makes your heart light up, take that feeling seriously and give it the best shot you can no matter what any “rules” say about it.