HEALTHY COUPLES USE SOCIAL MEDIA RESPECTFULLY
Three things happy couples don't do: They don't carry on flirtatious Facebook conversations, they think twice before adding a friend who could cause friction in their relationship (such as an ex), and they don't "like" photos of attractive strangers or that friend who uses Instagram as her personal bikini portfolio. "It's disrespectful," says couples and sex therapist Marlene Wasserman, author of Cyber Infidelity: The New Seduction. Nothing your partner does online should cause you concern. "If you're tempted to snoop, you have to question why. Happy couples are secure."
HEALTHY COUPLES TOUCH EACH OTHER OFTEN
Sex isn't the only way to physically connect, and most long-term couples aren't having sex every single day anyway. (Kudos if you are!) Successful couples find ways to connect outside of the bedroom. "I like ritual greetings at the beginning and end of each day, says Wasserman. "Hug, kiss, hold hands while walking the dog, or cook side by side."
HEALTHY COUPLES HAVE SEPARATE HOBBIES
Maybe your partner likes music and golf, while you like winemaking and basketball. Those differences are a good thing—you both need that time to explore your own interests. "Individuated people are more attractive and interesting to each other," says Wasserman. "In order for relationships to be healthy, independence and freedom are essential." Wasserman says people who engage in individual activities are seen as more intriguing and attractive to their partners.
HEALTHY COUPLES KEEP IT SEXY
When you settle into a relationship, you're supposed to feel comfy. But too much farting, burping, and tattered sweats and not enough sexy mystery on both sides could potentially upset the balance in your relationship. "You take your car for maintenance a couple of times a year, right? So why not do the same thing with your lingerie drawer?" says April Masini, relationship columnist and author. "Guys who want to have a great romance need to step up their personal care as well. Manscaping, smelling good—let her know you want her close."
HEALTHY COUPLES BALANCE EACH OTHER OUT
When one of you gets anxious, is the other one calm and cool? When each person brings something to the table that helps level the other out, it builds a steady relationship. "Showing each other that you can cope with anxiety without crumbling or panicking helps the other one get on their feet and feel centered during a rough moment," says psychologist and author Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
HEALTHY COUPLES ACT AS A TEAM
"Being a unit involves accepting that your partner isn't perfect, will disappoint and maybe shock and disgust you with certain behaviors, but is still your person," says Raymond. "Sticking together no matter what demonstrates empathy and forgiveness—two crucial ingredients for a successful relationship." That means making plans for two, consulting one another on big decisions and future plans, and being respectful of how your actions affect one another.
HEALTHY COUPLES ARE ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT MONEY
"Money is one of the most prevalent reasons that couples break up. In fact, financial infidelity is often more difficult to forgive and overcome than romantic or sexual infidelity," says Masini. When couples aren't compatible in terms of spending and saving, Masini says it's a smart idea to consult each other before spending. Also, create a bank account for shared goals, whether it's a trip, a home, a car, or just your monthly bills. "This is a great way to build a future together," says Masini. If you still have any squabbles, see an accountant and financial adviser to help map out your financial future together.
HEALTHY COUPLES DINE WITH THEIR FAMILIES
Whether you get along with his mom or not isn't the point. If your guy loves his family, be prepared to be a part of it—and vice versa. If you really don't get along with his family, Masini says to invite other guests (like your sister, who'll have your back and show his family that you want to connect) and host everyone at your place. Likewise, if your guy doesn't get along perfectly with your family, he should still make the effort when you all plan to get together.
HEALTHY COUPLES DON'T CONSIDER SEX A CHORE
Work, kids, stress—whatever the distraction, happy couples "have fun in the bedroom and don't allow their sex life to become monotonous and stale," says Jianny Adamo, LMHC, founder of Fearless Love Relationship Coaching and Counseling. She adds that these couples often keep the attention going by sexting and flirting even on days when sex doesn't happen.
HEALTHY COUPLES LAUGH TOGETHER
"Couples that can laugh, make light of things, and problem-solve together cultivate a strong friendship that can help sustain them through the rough patches," says Adamo. Inside jokes or gestures shared between only the two of you are another great way to keep your relationship intimate.
HEALTHY COUPLES FIGHT (FAIRLY)
We're human, and it's natural to disagree or even launch into a heated debate. But as a study by Baylor University psychologist Keith Sanford, Ph.D., found, fighting isn't always a bad thing for couples. Why? Because arriving at a "big resolution" together helps solidify the relationship. Finding common ground and compromise is healthy. So is makeup sex. A win-win!
HEALTHY COUPLES SHARE RESPONSIBILITY
Working together to love and protect anything—whether it's as major as having a kid together, or something less life changing—strengthens an already-healthy bond. Not in the kid phase? Adopting a dog, helping one another with work, or even tending to a tomato plant can help. The point is to work together to keep something thriving—just like your relationship. "You have a chance to develop greater intimacy…by sustaining something other than your relationship," says Masini.
HEALTHY COUPLES BOTH CHIP IN AT HOME
Both partners should be cleaning, cooking and running errands, or at least split up those chores in the most favorable way possible. A University of Illinois study found that chances for bliss are highest when both partners believe in divvying up household labor equally. So find a chore or two that you can "own" and let your partner pick some that he feels he can handle.
HEALTHY COUPLES DON'T (USUALLY) STAY FRIENDS WITH EXES
"It's best to let them go altogether," says Masini. Showing respect to your partner is crucial to the health and happiness of your relationship. "When you show your new guy he's the one by not keeping up with an ex, you're voting for your current relationship. You're walking the walk, not just talking the talk," Masini says. So show your partner how confident you are in this relationship by ending your text message relationship with that former fling for good.
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