Every Couple Needs to Talk About Cheating [And How to Bring It Up]

Someone recently asked me if my girlfriend ever cheated on me. The answer depends on your definition of cheating. As a young beautiful lady, she was in faraway places, surrounded by other attractive people with too much time on their hands between shows, events [curricular & non-curricula]. One night, she and some of her pals played games, spend time together in the beach and she blew a few kisses and got tipsy after the night-out at the club. She called to tell me the next day. Had she crossed a line?
I didn’t consider it cheating at the time. I still don’t. But I also wasn’t okay with that behaviour. It forced us to have a conversation about where the boundaries were in our relationship and what we expected to get from each other in return for our trust.
Most of us think of cheating as something that happens in other relationships, not our own. But here is a different story, about 56% said they have cheated on their partner and that’s just the number of people that were open and honest about the 'breach of trust'.
I strongly agree that it's best to be proactive and discuss the taboo topic. To make those conversations less awkward and more productive, I advice;

DEFINE CHEATING

For some, infidelity necessitates a physical encounter; others draw the line at emotional relationships or even watching pornography. Our increasingly connected world (internet) has made it easier to impulsively reach out to past lovers or flings, whether it’s a quick text or a liked photo on social medias. “You can look/hook up anybody you’ve ever kissed or had a thing with,” It’s more important than ever to establish from the get-go the types of behaviour.

DO IT SOONER RATHER THAN LATER

Instead of taking a doomsday approach, talk about boundaries and expectations before entering into a committed relationship. These conversations are meant to size up your significant other’s values. Besides asking where your potential partner draws the line on cheating, it’s fair game to ask if they’ve cheated in the past. Whatever twists and turns the conversation takes, it's important to not sound accusatory. You want to come off as curious, respectful, trusting, and open-minded.

3. FOCUS ON HOW YOU WILL REACT

Try to stop the conversation from becoming a list of things that can never happen. Instead, flip the narrative to talk less about the behaviour that is an act of betrayal and focus more on how you will handle the situation if said behaviour occurs. So be calm and make the other understand that '' I'll probably get upset, but I hope you'd be open enough to tell me about it, so we can talk about it before it becomes a serious issue."

KNOW THINGS WON'T BE CUT-AND-DRY

Even with all this planning and discussion, everything gets more complicated when it’s personal. In my case, i felt numb, not because i felt nothing no more but i had my emotions & reaction under check. I do tell people, '' when you're angry or tensed or disturbed, you're in-control of your action(reaction in this case) but not your emotions''. But at that point in my relationship, I felt secure enough to know I had nothing to worry about.

 REVISIT THE CONVERSATION

One of the hurdles of developing trust and security in a relationship is dealing with questions when they come up, not dismissing them. That means discussions about infidelity and a crossed line doesn’t stop with those initial conversations. If you or your partner feels distant or uncertain about something, address it head on.

I guess i have to stop at this point. Had my fill for the day. 

Thanks for reading and i wish you bliss in your union with your partner

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